Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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