One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize