what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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