We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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