2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize