Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize