i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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