Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
