So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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