You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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