between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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