im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cut my penus on the lid.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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