i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize