did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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