I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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