U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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