I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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