Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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