she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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