he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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