im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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