you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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