It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize