I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize