im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize