There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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