Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize