her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize