When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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