You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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