What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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