Four minutes until I can fart!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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