you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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