just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
