I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
