I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
