I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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