i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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