I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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