If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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