Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
