So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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