I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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