cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize