Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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