my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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