My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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