Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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