Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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