My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
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i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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