You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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