I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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