Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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